Ask The Sexpert: Just How Can Lesbians Have Safer Intercourse?

Newsflash: We ought to be making use of condoms. Yes, CONDOMS.

Recently, I’ve been seeing a complete great deal of different wellness resources and community leaders speak about exactly just how lesbians don’t need condoms at all inside their intercourse methods. And also this concept actually perplexes me! Each time it is read by me somewhere, we pause and think huh? Where did these individuals manage to get thier safer intercourse information from?

This might be a section of a larger societal issue for the reason that lesbian, queer and bi women can be frequently left out within the conversation about intimate health insurance and STIs. It’s as if individuals genuinely believe that STIs only result from penises and that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies don’t ever have actually penises.

Information flash: STIs could be handed down in a lot of ways that are different. Through epidermis to epidermis contact. From anal intercourse. From dental intercourse. From sharing adult toys. Almost almost any sex that you’re having, it is most likely that STIs can come to be handed down, from individual to individual. It is also essential to keep in mind that lesbian, queer and bisexual women often have actually penises. Or often we utilize dildos during intercourse. As well as for both a vibrator and a penis, condoms can be utilized being a barrier approach to reduce the likelihood of STIs being passed away.

In de-stigmatizing STIs, it is crucial to notice it’s maybe not the termination of the planet in the event that you test good for the STI. Your lifetime as well as your sex-life aren’t over. Then we can all grow and learn together—and have more pleasurable sex if we are able to have access to this kind of safer sex information!

We’ve already talked about various barrier techniques that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies may use whenever having sex with one another. And yes, condoms are contained in those choices. You need to use condoms as being a barrier whenever having a penis in vagina or when having anal intercourse, whenever you’re utilizing a intercourse toy or dildo, and you may additionally cut a condom along the middle (with scissors) if you’d like a dental dam for analingus or sex that is oral. Once we tell ladies who sleep along with other ladies which they don’t need condoms to train safer intercourse, our company is perpetuating this misconception which our intercourse is intrinsically safe from any STIs being shared.

countless of my lesbian, queer and friends that are bisexual laugh regarding how they don’t training safer intercourse. We hear queer ladies make jokes about dental dams and exactly how they do not have when utilized them. All this makes me wonder whom inside our community do practice safer sex actually? And when we aren’t making use of barrier techniques, are we then having in-depth conversations about our intimate wellness before we f*ck? Are we constantly prioritizing getting tested between our lovers? And not a pap smear (for the reason that it does not protect all of it), but like getting a work that is full?

We don’t say any one of this become judgmental, at all.

I’ve already been that woman to laugh about dental dams. I’ve additionally had one evening stands where i did son’t prioritize me personally or my partner’s health that is sexual. But i would like us to accomplish better. I’d like us to help you to possess genuine, nuanced conversations about our intimate wellness. As it matters, babes. And I also would like to get previous laughing about dental dams and shrugging down condoms as a choice.

Usually in this discussion, I have expected well, just what if i do want to work with a dental dam but she does not believe that’s sexy? This fear can be so extensive that personally i think like many lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies are also afraid to inquire of their lovers to apply safer intercourse. But without a doubt a girl that is queer, getting dental intercourse via a dental dam is sexy and seems amazing. In reality, the individual it surely changes things for may be the person providing the oral. It’s a tiny bit various of a personal experience, but one which you could get utilized to! It’s sexy for anyone getting because 1. you’re both prioritizing each other’s intimate wellness, which can be hot AF and 2. in my own truthful viewpoint, it still seems enjoyable as f*ck.

We additionally understand how difficult it may be to create within the conversation of STIs just before have intercourse, particularly if you’ve never really had sex with this specific individual prior to. One thing I’ve discovered in my own several years of messily navigating sex and relationships is whenever I consult with somebody in regards to the sort of intercourse the two of us wish to have and by what form of obstacles we should make use of— We have wayyyy better intercourse. Like I’m maybe maybe maybe not saying this because I’m a sex geek. I’m your brides website suggesting my truthful girl truth that is queer. Sex is way better whenever you speak about desire as well as your figures first.

Let’s break it down.

You and this potential hookup don’t know each other’s bodies yet. Every person that is single their very own desires and ticks and techniques, that turn them the f*ck on. Even though you can play a guessing game while you’re making love to determine just what

with this person that is new you might rather, explore it beforehand. Is not it enjoyable in order to f*ck somebody the real means they wish to be f*cked? Then you already fully know the go-to spot for them, for which you would you like to build as much as and just how to obtain them become putty in your hand.

In terms of speaking about exactly what obstacles and/or toys you intend to make use of while you’re having sex—a lot of individuals think it is super maybe not sexy and takes all of the enjoyable from the jawhorse. But imagine if you’re making love however the whole time you’re anxious since you actually desired to work with a dental dam but didn’t understand how to tell her that and today you can’t have an orgasm because you’re so in your mind about perhaps not talking up for your requirements? That’s no enjoyable for anybody, believe me. Whenever you have that conversation off the beaten track before you begin making love, then chances are you already know just to go after the condom by using your strap-on or whether she’s cool with fluid bonding or otherwise not. They are important facets of intercourse and now we should not ignore them.

We have research for many of you scanning this at this time. The the next time you’re having a fresh hookup with some body, make an effort to integrate some of those conversations just before strike the bedsheets and discover just what the outcome are. I bet you that you’ll have actually some mind-blowing consensual safer intercourse!